6 ways to manage family relationships this holiday season - With Marine Selenee
The holiday season is here and before thinking that the only way of dealing with it, is to get drunk or force-feed yourself to avoid answering exasperating questions or comments like “Still single?” “When are you going to have a baby?” or “Still working on that thesis?” - Read my six tips!
Number 1: If you don’t want to go, don’t go. You’re not a child anymore. You’re a responsible adult who cannot eternally play the “I come to please my parents” card, then end up, sulking in the corner because your dear parents did not give you enough attention!
Number 2: Your family and parents, they did the best they could. Constantly wishing that your parents could’ve done differently/better is a waste of time and energy. So, before going to your parent’s place, talk to your inner child. Indeed, it’s the little boy/girl that you used to be who is still asking for reparation and recognition. Tell him/her: “I see you. I hear you. I recognize you. Mom and Dad did the best they could. Now, you’ve grown up, I’m your adult self and I am in charge. I’m not going anywhere without you and we are going to spend a lovely moment all together.” If your inner child is still grumbling, raise your voice firmly, but kindly, do not worry, he/she will get used to it!
Number 3: In case the holidays are painful because some family members made their transition to the non-physical world, you can always light candles, bring pictures of happy moments with them, or start the meal with a meditation or prayer, paying tribute to them. Be reassured that people are still ‘alive’ once we talk and share memories about them.
Number 4: The holiday season is not made to settle a score with your family. Remember the meaning of it, celebrating Life, Love, Family and ultimately Jesus‘ birthday.
Number 5: You are in a good mood, but Uncle John keeps asking you the same stupid questions over and over again, your cousin Kelly brags about her amazement of being a mother to-be and, finally, Mike, your lovely nephew took the last slice of your mother’s succulent pie, even when you expressly asked her to save it for you. You wanted to finish the day with a nice, gourmet touch while watching the last episode of This is us! Before blowing a fuse, go to the bathroom, lock the door, look at yourself in the mirror, take a few deep breaths and change your perception. Your family is not against you, you have a place, they see you, everyone wants to share their happiness and sometimes it can be clumsy, but one day you will be the one having a baby, the old relative repeating the same questions, and the grandmother giving the last slice of pie to your grandchild.
Number 6: How do you want to feel with them? How do you imagine the time that you’ll to spend together? Have a clear vision of what you’d like to attract and then, let the holiday season lead your day.
Want to learn more ? Join Marine's course on Family Constellations -